We generally think about sex as being positive things like fun or exhilarating. And why wouldn't we? Sex is awesome! Sex can also be passionate or even aggressive. We feel a lot of things after sex, like exhaustion or satisfaction. But is it normal to feel sad after sex? You might be thinking that feeling anything other than a positive feeling after sex is wrong or messed up but that is not completely true. There are a lot of reasons why we could feel sad after sex that we are going to talk about below. Firstly, there is an actual medical condition that could lead to sad feelings and beyond that there are a lot of things to consider when it comes to sex, like expectations and hormones, that can contribute to a whole mess of feelings, including sad ones. Mostly it is important to know that it actual isn't abnormal or wrong to feel sad after sex! It is totally and completely normal. So if you're worried, the first thing to do is relax. The second thing to do is to keep reading this list!
Sex is messy! It's great and all, but let's not forget it can also be super messy. And we're not just talking about the physical mess with the fluids. While we might want entertain the idea that sex is just sex and nothing else, that's absolutely not true at all. Whether we like it or not, sex involves emotions and feelings. And emotions and feelings are part of what makes sex awesome. Sex involves a lot of feelings that we may not even be aware are happening. They are usually happy feelings or intense feelings. But sometimes when we're feeling a lot of things, even positive ones, it can be overwhelming or tire us out. We may even feel compelled to shed a tear or two. Being close to someone, physically or emotionally, can be overwhelming. And that is totally okay. If you're feeling a lot of feelings after sex and are worried about what your partner might be thinking, just be honest. They should totally understand!
When we're having sex, we want to always think it is going to be mind blowing and incredible. That's wishful thinking at best! Sometimes sex is just okay. Who are we kidding - a lot of the time it is just okay. There are lots of different kinds of sex we can be having. Some examples are quick sex to angry sex to make-up sex to tired sex and everything in between. A lot of the time we have a built up perception of what sex should be like. And sometimes when we get to the end, we are a bit let down that the sex we had didn't live up to our built up expectations. Studies have shown that both women and men can often feel sad or upset if their sex isn't what they thought it would be. It's not quite a regret; it's just that it wasn't what they thought it would be.
It's important to go into sexual relationships being realistic and also realizing that there are lots of different kinds of sex, complete with different levels of PASSION and INTIMACY.
On top of keeping our expectations of sex at a realistic level, it's important to also remember that there can often be a lot of things going on in our lives that can make us feel weird after sex.
Sex doesn't happen in a bubble. Often we can't turn off what's happening in our lives when we're having sex. Sex can be a great distraction, sure, but often when it's done we're quickly brought back to reality. You or your partner could be going through something stressful or tragic in our lives. Sometimes in the quiet of just finishing sex, the real world can come crashing back really fast.
Just like keeping it real when it comes to our expectations of how big and grand sex can be, it's also important to remember that the rest of our lives outside of sex. Yes, sex can feel great and help take us away from stressful or sad situations but it is only a temporary balm.
It's totally okay to use sex to feel better or as a distraction but try not to let it get too much of a crutch. Sex is no cure for stress or problems!
Scientists have recently discovered that "post sex blues" is actually a real diagnosis. The scientific term is Postcoital Dysphoria. So yes, sometimes it is a bit more than just feeling sad after sex.
Postcoital Dysphoria sounds serious but it's also quite normal. It's still very new and scientists are still conducting studies to learn more about it, but if you do feel like you might have Postcoital Dysphoria, do not worry! All it simply means is that you have a sad reaction to sex. And there is nothing wrong with being sad!
Of course it can be a bit strange to feel like crying after sex. It's important to try not to feel too abnormal or feel like something is wrong with you. Sadness is just another feeling and it's a totally valid feeling. If it's okay to feel elated after sex, or have the giggles, then it's okay to shed a tear or two also! Try to stay positive and know that the Postcoital Dysphoria will pass and it is not permanent.
Postcoital Dysphoria sounds like a super serious diagnosis but it is actually quite common. Scientists are still studying this phenomenon but there is still a lot of research to do. The most groundbreaking study showed that 46% of female cottage students had experienced Postcoital Dysphoria at least once in their lifetimes. The percentage in men was similar as well.
So that means that we can probably assume that about half of all sexually active people experience Postcoital Dysphoria at least once. And it's totally normal too! And we should also express that Postcoital Dysphoria doesn't just cover sadness. It also refers to feelings of melancholy, anxiousness, anger, depression, and aggression.
The important thing to remember if you end up feeling like Postcoital Dysphoria is coming on is that it will pass. If you are concerned that your partner might wonder what is going on, you could always try telling them about it. Chances are they've felt a similar way too! Being open with them could be a great way to bond and grow closer.
Scientists are still learning as much as they can about Postcoital Dysphoria and how it affects different people. They are constantly learning more and more about the diagnosis. So far they have found that about 1% of people they have studied say that they feel Postcoital Dysphoria every time after sex.
That is a very small percentage, obviously! So it should make you feel better that the chances are super slim you likely won't get diagnosed with all the time Postcoital Dysphoria. But if you are feeling those feelings every time after sex, remember that they are totally okay. Don't let a diagnosis define you. It doesn't mean that you can't have fantastic sex or have a great partner.
Now, you may be wondering what INTIMACY has to do with this whole post sex blues thing. Well, in all of the studies done, scientists have not found any connection between intimacy and post sex blues.
This should be super reassuring to you and your partner. What it basically means is that you can still feel super CLOSE and INTIMATE with your lover and experience Postcoital Dysphoria. It also means that you can have an incredibly long relationship and still experience it too! Postcoital Dysphoria affects all kinds of people, no matter what kind of relationships they might have.
Most important is that you shouldn't feel like experiencing regular or sporadic Postcoital Dysphoria means you can't get close or intimate with someone. It's all part of the messiness that is a relationship, after all! Don't let a little bit of sadness get in the way of having a great relationship.
Let's not forget about orgasms! Orgasms are a huge release. A lot goes on when your body is experiencing an ORGASM. Not only are there a lot feelings happening, like we mentioned above, but there are a lot of hormones as well. Those hormones can tend to mess our brains up a bit. We can feel overwhelmed and like crying even if we are happy.
An orgasm not only means a release but it also means a lack of feelings. Often our bodies can feel a bit spent and empty after an orgasm. For some people they want to cuddle or relax with their partners.Other times, you want might want to cry. All of these emotions are totally valid.
So why not try to enjoy your orgasm while you are having it and just roll with whatever feelings you end up feeling afterward. Ultimately, they are totally temporary and will pass.
There is often a lot of pressure to only feel good and positive things when it comes to sex. That's because we're weird to believe that sex should always be perfect. The sooner we totally forget this the sooner we can move on to actually enjoying ALL of sex - the perfect and the not so perfect!
You might think that feeling sad after sex could mean that you don't like your lover but actually, scientists have found no proof that the two have anything to do with each other. So don't jump the gun and dump your partner if you feel a bit sad after sex!
The best thing you can do is be honest with your lover about what you are feeling. That way there is no confusion about what you or your partner are feeing.
We've been talking a lot about how it is totally valid and okay to have different FEELINGS and EMOTIONS after sex - even the negative ones. However, post sex blues is totally, completely not the same thing as depression. It is important to know the difference!
If your feelings of sadness or negativity don't go away soon after sex, it may be something more serious. The best thing that you can do is talk to someone, perhaps a professional. This is absolutely not to worry or scare you but we do want you to take care of yourself!
Post blues sex or Postcoital Dysphoria is often fleeting and only occurs right after sex. It doesn't have an impact on the rest of your life, especially sex itself. In fact, you could have the BEST SEX of your life and still feel a bit of post sex blues afterward.
So if you've been feeling a bit sad after sex, we hope that now you've read this you feel comforted. You are not alone! And in fact, it is totally normal to potentially feel a little sad afterward. Postcoital Dysphoria is still something new that scientists are researching but it's not something that they are concerned about. It may technically involve feeling sad but that doesn't mean it's specifically a sad thing.
The most IMPORTANT thing to remember is that you are enjoying sex and having a great time with your partner. And we recommend letting your partner in on if you are regularly affected by postcoital dysphoria. That way they are knowledgeable about the condition and that it's not permanent or long-lasting.