Masturbating is fun, there's no denying it! And for as long as we have been masturbating, we have been experimenting with weird and fun ways to jerk off. Guys especially are always looking for something new to stick their dicks in in order to get off. (And in the reverse, women are always finding new things to use to stimulate their vaginas.)
This exploration of masturbating and the human body means that sometimes strange things can happen. Coco-nutting is one of them. So what exactly is Coco-nutting? The short answer is: something that you do NOT want to try. Seriously! There are way better ways to get off. And after we give you the low-down on coco-nutting and why it's not the best way to masturbate, we'll give you some way better alternatives.
Like all terrible things, we first learned about coco-nutting via the internet. It simply
started off as a story on a Reddit message board. A user told a long and terrible tale
about his experience with using a coconut to masturbate and things got weird. And after
they got weird they got really, really gross.
Basically the story goes: the user was a teenager and looking for something to use to jerk off. His mum had bought some coconuts so he decided to help himself to one. He cut out a hole in the top and went to town. It worked and he decided to keep his makeshift vagina around to use.
He'd had it for a week at that point (you can probably already sense where this is going) and started to realize that it was smelling. Gross! Instead of just throwing it out, he decided to use it one last time. Except this time when he inserted his penis into the hole, he felt wriggling. It was maggots! Yup, the coconut had attracted flies and they laid eggs and maggots hatched. We won't go into too much detail, but basically the maggots tried to crawl EVERYWHERE.
It's hard to tell if the story is real or not, because it sounds pretty out there. But as things on Reddit tend to explode, members really took this story and ran with it. Pretty soon there were other members who were trying it out. Generally everyone reported back with not having a great time with using a coconut to masturbate. Pretty soon it got so popular that the phrase "coco-nutting" was formed. There is even a special page on Reddit devoted to the topic!
So yes, coco-nutting is kind of a big joke. It started off as one guy's failed attempt at getting off and is now a minor internet sensation.
If you read the above story and still want to try out coco-nutting, well, we don't know what to say! But, in all honesty, using a coconut to masturbate just doesn't sound like a great idea.
When you are masturbating, you want to simulate the actual vagina as close as possible. A coconut is very hard on the outside and also still pretty hard on the inside. Yes, it's filled with liquid too but the meat of the coconut is quite tough.
Members participating in coco-nutting reported that they were hurting their dicks on how tough the outside of the coconut was. One member even found out about an unfortunate coconut allergy through testing out coco-nutting!
Basically it is always dangerous to introduce food items as a sex toy. You don't know how your body will react to the substance. As well, there is clean up to consider. Food can attract flies and other gross things and that just makes masturbating not so fun!
Masturbating is meant to be fun! Experimenting can also be fun but you need to be smart about it. We recommend staying away from coco-nutting. Think of it as a cautionary tale!
While we think coco-nutting is a bit dangerous, we understand the allure of using a found household item to masturbate. It feels a bit NAUGHTY, doesn't it? And it's also a secret thing that you get to do, which can increase pleasure. While we wouldn't recommend using a coconut, here are some way safe household items that you can try to get off.
Bananas - You need to be careful when it comes to using foods, especially foods with hard outsides. Other blogs recommend using melons to masturbate but that can be just as dangerous as a coconut! Basically it comes down to the hole. if you cut the hole too tight, as you are thrusting into the food, your penis could start to get larger and harder and eventually get stuck. Unlike a vagina, melons and coconuts don't have walls that can stretch.
However, an alternative is a banana! You need to try it with a fairly large one (one that is just a bit larger than your penis. Wash it first (very important) and then cut off one end and squeeze out the inside. Give it another rinse and fill the inside with lube. Then shove your member inside and start thrusting. You can also try heating up the skin in the microwave for a bit for a WARMED SENSATION. (Just make sure it isn't too hot!)
Pie - We're pretty sure that every guy on the planet has tried out masturbating with a pie after seeing the film American Pie. Amazingly enough, it actually works! It's definitely super messy and can be a weird sensation, but a lot of guys say that it feels great and they are able to get off. Just make sure it isn't too hot, of course! You don't want to burn anything important.
Soft Fabrics - Food is okay but honestly, it can get super messy and sticky. And in our opinion, food is best when its eaten! Another easy household item you can find is fabric! Rolled up blanket can act as a great masturbatory tool - it's soft and pliable. You can also try using a warm, wet washcloth while you're in the shower. Of course, remember to wear a condom or something to catch the semen if you aren't in the shower. If not, you'll end up doing some extra laundry!
Jar Filled With Something Squishy - You can fill a jar with lube and use that to help you get off. (Some people like to use a food substance but we say just stick with lube!) Once you fill the jar with your substance of choice, cover it with plastic wrap and cut a hole in the plastic. You may need to experiment with different plastics to find one that works well.
This should go without saying, but be safe and use common sense when you're using found objects to masturbate! Always test them out first, especially if it's a new kind of liquid or substance you've never used before. Lotions and creams can make great lube but you don't know how your skin will react to it. And penis skin is extra sensitive too! The same goes for using foods. Some foods contain acid and can really irritate the penis. Test everything out on your dick first to see if it irritates your skin. You'd be surprised what is totally find on other parts of your body but might not feel great on your penis!
As well, if you are crafting your own masturbatory tool, please take extra care to make sure it is safe and that it won't hurt you! If you are cutting into anything, make sure there are no sharp edges that your skin can catch on. Also make sure that surfaces are clean and free of irritants.
Most importantly, always clean up after yourself. This goes for any way that you are masturbating, of course, but it is most important when you are using weird items. It is especially important if you are using food items! Always make sure to wash everything and if you use any food items, throw them away immediately. And be sure to give whatever area you might've used to help you get off a good wipe down after.
We understand the allure of food or found items, we really do. But instead of risking hurting yourself, why not use something that's more tried and true - and something that won't potentially send you to the hospital! (Imagine having to go to the emergency room with a coconut stuck to your penis. It HAS happened!)
Your Hands - Likely the reason you are experimenting with other items is that you are bored of jerking off with your hands. We get it! And it's totally normal to get bored of your hands. There are things you can do to make your hands more exciting again, however! If you always use one hand, try switching to the other. The change in pace and newness might feel a little better. You can also try other stimuli, like wearing a glove with a certain texture or adding something like we mentioned above (like a warm wash cloth) to help increase how good it feels. Lastly, if your hands aren't doing it for you anymore, try someone else's hands! Your partner's hands can offer something different or new and add a voyeuristic approach to your getting off. Masturbating is great alone but sometimes it's fun to add another person!
An Artificial Vagina - Listen, there are proper sex toys that are made to mimic a real vagina that you can buy! Why mess around with weird household items when you can buy one of these very safe and safety approved toys? The most popular brand is the Flashlight. It's shaped sort of light a flashlight which makes it easy for a guy to grip and use to get off. Flashlights are super duper popular and come in a variety of sizes and shapes. We recommend every guy having one!
Breasts - If you're looking for something else outside of the box, have you ever tried masturbating with breasts? It's often called a tit-job and it can be a lot of fun! Especially because it can be fun to include your partner in your masturbating. You definitely need breasts of a certain size for this to work and a fair amount of lube but you'll find that the sensation is quite unique. Your partner can try out pushing her breasts together differently to change how it feels for you. This is definitely more fun sounding than a coconut!
We are of the mindset of whatever makes you feel good, do it! If you prefer getting off with foods or other weird things, who are we to judge! We can all have super weird kinks and that is nothing to be ashamed about.
That being said, when it comes to being crafty with masturbatory tools, make sure you're being safe first. You don't want to injure yourself. Masturbating is meant to be a fun release, after all!
And while household items can make getting off on your own a little more thrilling or exciting, we still recommend avoiding coco-nutting at all costs. There are just so many other fun ways to masturbate!