What do you say when your hookup wants to be more? Well, there are a number of things that you can say, but in the end, it's really going to depend on how you feel. Are you right for each other? What do you really want, and if you both want more, how do you move forward from here? Can things stay the same if you say no? Moving forward, keeping your cool, and not making a bigger deal out of any of this than need be are all important things that will need to be considered. Knowing what to say when your hookup wants more isn't always going to be an easy thing to figure out, but Xpress has the scoop on how you can figure out the best way to go, in your case.
So, your hookup wants more, and you're not sure what to say, so what do you do? Well, the first thing you should probably consider is whether or not they're right for you. If you're interested at all, this needs to be something that you take the time to consider, because it's the first step towards figuring out what the next move for you will need to be. If you're thinking about entertaining the idea of maybe becoming something more with your hookup, then the first thing you should do right now is consider why exactly it is that they're just a hookup to begin with. Is it just a matter of timing? Are you only attracted to them physically? Are you occasional friends with benefits who have never looked at the idea of becoming more until now? There are a lot of things that you should take into consideration.
If they're simply 'hookup-only' material, then you are probably going to have to have a conversation with them about why things can't go any further between the two of you. If you're only sexually attracted or you know that aside from hooking up, there's not much more they can offer you to make you happy, then it's obviously a no-go situation. On the other hand, if you do think that they could be right for you, then it's a good idea to start thinking things through, because you never know what this could turn into. You've already got the attraction and the sex looked after. If you've also got some feelings to go with now, this could turn out to be a really good thing!
Having determined whether or not they're right for you, it's also a good idea to consider whether or not you're actually right for them. Are you in a place right now where you're able to offer them more than what you're currently offering them? Can you be more than a hookup to them? Do you even want to consider being with someone who's more than a hookup? There's a lot to think about, because even if it might sound or seem nice, there's always the matter of whether or not you're ready to make any steps forward with someone. Be honest with yourself here, and be honest with them.
If you know that you're honestly not interested, or that you might be interested, but you're not in the right place to give them what they want or need - due to timing, circumstances, or whatever the case might be, then this is what you're going to need to tell them so that they can decide what they're going to do. Since they've obviously already caught feelings, the best thing that you can do is to be real with them. You can't give someone something that you're not in a position to give them. On the other hand, if you can, then you simply need to do some thinking and decide if this is something that you might really want to try out. Which brings us to our next point.
Do you really want to get involved with someone right now? Even if you do have feelings, is your hookup someone that you want to take things further with? There's always a reason why a hookup is a hookup to begin with, so these questions might not always be the easiest to answer, but if you're being honest with yourself, you'll come to whatever the actual answer is. If you are looking for something, why haven't you considered them yet? Is it because you like the way things are between the two of you as is, or is it because you really just don't see them in a light where you would want to consider dating them more seriously. Figuring out where you really stand here is really important, and there's a lot to think about. Whatever you decide is going to drastically change things, so whether you want to be with them or not, you're either going to end up in a relationship, or you're going to end up without this person as a hookup. Either way though, you do need to decide.
If you've been thinking the same thing, then congratulations! That's great news, and it's not often that something with meaning is able to come out of something that started out as a hookup. Obviously there was something more between the two of you all along. Now if you're in a place where you're looking to move forward and see where things go, above and beyond hooking up, then be aware that even though you'll still be with this person intimately, the expectations and the dynamic overall are going to change. This is something that the two of you will work out over time though, so it shouldn't be a problem. Now hopefully you have as much to offer each other above and beyond the physical.
Well, if you don't want more from this person, then you do need to have an important conversation with them. Whether it's lack of feelings, timing, situations, or whatever the case may be, if you're not interested then you need to be completely honest with them and talk to them about it right away. There's a lot that goes into being intimate and it will completely depend on the person, what their reaction will be to them telling you they want more, and you not sharing those same feelings with them. So, if you don't want more, it's probably a pretty good idea to take some time to think about things to determine for sure, and then to think about how you're going to approach telling your hookup that you're not interested in pursuing anything more with them. It's not going to be a pleasant conversation, but regardless, it's a conversation that will need to take place, under the circumstances.
The answer to this is likely, no. Once one of you has caught feelings, it can no longer be a casual situation for either of you. One of you is always going to be wanting more, and the other is always going to be wondering if it's a good idea to keep going. When one of you catches feelings and the other doesn't feel the same, it's already going to be a hurtful enough situation, so no, things really won't be able to stay the same. It's really unfortunate because there's obviously a strong sense of comfort and physical attraction there, but if that's really all that there is, then you need to make sure you make the right decision moving forward, so that you're not putting anyone in a situation where they're going to experience any more hurt than is necessary. Prolonging things is also sure to make them much more difficult to get out of down the line, so even if it's a really good physical situation, if you're not into anything more, then you need to make some decisions.
This is so much easier said than done, because everyone wants to hold onto something that we really enjoy. Especially when it comes to something like a great hookup. So, how do you decide what you're going to do? Well, if you're being honest with yourself, you're probably aware that your hookup with this person who has now caught feelings for you is coming to an end. Whether it's now or shortly down the road, it's definitely going to end. It's probably best not to drag things out any longer than is necessary, either. The longer you hold onto things after they need to end, the harder it will ultimately take to get past them overall, particularly for to current hookup who has caught feelings. It might suck having to say goodbye to all of this, but it's going to end up being necessary. So, think of it like a band-aid. If you're not into them, just rip the band-aid off. Let them go, and move on from the situation.
Never as easy as you'd like it to be. Even with a hookup, there's always some element of connection that you have, and even if it's only a physical connection, it's still something that is going to feel like a loss to you, and take some time to completely get past. There's nothing wrong with this. It's all perfectly normal, and one of the bi-products of things like hooking up. It's a rare case where one or the other in a hookup situation doesn't end up catching feelings, so when that does happen, it's important to realize that someone catching feelings is almost inevitable, and that sooner or later this hookup will end. So when it's time to move forward, it's all good. Take your time to get past the loss - because even a hookup can be a loss, and do whatever you need to do to make sure that things go the way they need to, for both of you.
Keeping your distance after going separate ways from your hookup is something that is probably going to need to happen. There's still that physical attraction and comfort there, and if you keep talking and/or spending time together, it's only going to be a matter of time before one thing leads to another and you end up back in a physical situation with them. You don't need to maintain contact with your hookup, but if you do, it's probably best to keep it limited to a text message here and there for a while, so you avoid falling back into old patterns, and you give them a chance to get over wanting to be with you. Even if they've been a source of support for you with certain things, the dynamic has still changed and you need to keep moving forward. It's really important that you keep your distance.
This is an important one. Remember, while there are definitely feelings and connections involved here, at the end of the day, it was still a hookup, not a relationship. So, unfortunately one of you has caught feelings, and the other hasn't. It happens often. The best thing that you can do is to stay logical about it, and see things for what they are. It was a hookup and it had to end because it couldn't go any further. No more, no less. Give them the space they need, and take the space you need as well. If you've dealt with everything in the best way you possibly can, then it'll all work out in the end.