Deciding what to look for in a guy ultimately comes from a lot of trial and error. You usually find out what you aren't looking for in a guy before you realize what you do want. There are some things that you should be looking for in a guy though, and Xpress has got some great info to help you decide what's important to you, so you can get your search started on the right foot. So, what should you be looking for in a guy? Consider what you find attractive and what you don't, and be open to someone who's out of your norm. Insist on dating a gentleman who is responsible, respectful, communicates and handles problems well. Your Mr. Right is out there!
This isn't focusing on the negative, it's simply being honest with yourself about what you don't like, so that you can avoid getting mixed up with guys who are just going to waste your time. You're not going to like everything about every guy, of course, but it's important to know what your deal breakers are, so that you can avoid dating guys that you're not going to be interested in staying with in the long run. Do you like guys who have a certain style? Do you want to break something every time you hear country music? Are you willing to date someone who has kids? You want to focus on guys that you're attracted to, who have similar interests to yours, and who are at a place in life that will jive with yours right now. So, even though some guys might be very attractive, and even have some great things about them that you really like, if they're not at a place in their lives that jives with where you're at, it's not likely to work out. Take everything that you're going to have to take on in order to be with someone into consideration, and remember that there's nothing wrong with keeping a safe distance from a situation that's not right for you. You're looking to be with someone who has things to offer that you do want, after all.
Yes, this may seem superficial, but as humans, we're all visual creatures to begin with. It's best to be honest with yourself about what you do and don't find attractive. That doesn't mean that every guy you give a chance to has to be a, '10', but it does mean that you should at least have some level of physical attraction towards them, before you decide to start going out on multiple dates. Don't be too picky here. He might not necessarily be your typical style, but if you do find him attractive, you might find that he starts to become more and more attractive to you overall, if you end up liking his personality. Attractive can be a lot of things, so in addition to what he looks like, do you like his demeanor? Does he carry himself well in your eyes? Does his confidence stand out? How does he treat others? Is he a gentleman toward you?
These are all features about a man that may not necessarily be physical, but that can instantly make him more attractive to a woman - or in some cases, less attractive. Looks are step one, but there's a lot more to being attractive, than just what someone looks like.
It's okay to go out on a first date with someone that might not be your typical pick of a man. You never know how attractive someone might start to look to you, once you start getting to know them. Just as someone who's very physically attractive to you can start to look less attractive as you get to know them, men who may have seemed average to you at first could become more attractive to you as you get to know their personality. Don't miss out on someone who might be out of your normal category, just because they don't look a particular, certain way. It can be really surprising at times how attractive someone can become to you, once you've seen what a good man they are. Being a strong man isn't always about someone who spends hours at the gym every day. It can also be a man who makes you feel safe when you're with him, or who knows how to effectively handle difficult situations. A man who is good-looking isn't always confident, but a man who is confident instantly becomes more attractive, even if he doesn't immediately stand out in a crowd. Try to be open to men who are at least a little bit outside of your regular norm of physical preference. You don't have to go to extremes, but it's good to spread your wings a bit in this area. Now, let's get into some of the things we mentioned earlier in some more detail.
Okay, maybe this isn't a deal breaker for all of us, but once you've been treated like a lady by a gentleman, it's pretty damn hard to go back to being treated as any less. If this isn't a standard of yours already, you should probably consider making it one. Regardless of how strong, independent, self sufficient, and strong you might be, being treated like a lady feels good, and a man who genuinely treats you this way is well worth a second look. Sure we live in a different age, and we're not all wearing corsets and high heels every day. This is true, and too much is too much, no matter what the behavior is. A genuine gentleman will change your mind about whether or not this is something that you really want, though. A man who is truly chivalrous is a real find, and even the toughest, most independent women out there like to be treated as ladies by their man. It shows respect, and it shows that he can see her femininity through all of the other strengths she has.
This is really important, of course. No one wants to be with someone who doesn't have their life in order. If you meet a guy and he can't keep his priorities in order, and his responsibilities looked after, then this is not someone that you want to get involved with. You don't want to be with a man who can't properly take care of himself. We all assume different responsibilities in relationships, of course, but you're not there to be anyone's mom. If they can't cook, clean, do laundry, take care of their finances, make it to work everyday, and just be responsible in general, then you need to avoid that situation. This is not the kind of guy that you want to get involved with. Think of how much work it would be to end up having kids with someone like this. Yikes! Being responsible is a very important trait of any good man, so make sure that's not something you're willing to compromise on. No matter how great a man might otherwise be, it'll get old fast if you're always having to keep him on track.
Well, this can be a tricky one, because we won't always know this right away. A lot of people will tell you though, that when you find someone who's really committed to you, you'll be able to feel it and you'll just know. There's no magic wand test for this one, but anyone who's been in a relationship, even if it ended - and ended badly, is usually able to point out the times in their relationship where they knew that their partner was being loyal to them. You don't usually have a bad feeling about things until there's a reason to. You'll notice behavioral changes and other changes when things start to go south in the loyalty department, and when that happens, it's easy to recognize the difference between when things were good, and when you started to question your partner's loyalty. When someone is in it with you, you'll know, and you'll definitely know when it comes down to the hard times in life. How much you're able to lean on someone during the hard times is always a sure test of how loyal they are to you. Loyalty is one of the most important things that you can look for in a man.
Manners and how a man treats people are very telling. There's a saying that says, 'A guy who is rude to the server, isn't a nice guy'. This is true. Rudeness and bad manners are not cool, and a man who is rude to others won't need much time before he starts treating you with the same lack of respect. The importance of manners is something that should really matter, especially when you look to the future, and get to a point where you're considering introducing him to your family and friends. The guy needs to know how to act and function properly in social situations. You don't want to take someone who doesn't know how to check himself to a work function, for example, and introduce them to your boss and colleagues. You also won't want to introduce them to your loved ones. Respectful behavior is incredibly important.
How does he approach problems when they arise? Is he a victim, an anger ball, or does he face problems head on and deal with them. This matters a lot, because there are a lot of problems that arise in life, and when how you both deal with them matters. A victim mentality needs to be a deal breaker. Someone who is a victim of their circumstances isn't going to end up being a good partner. Life happens to us all, and we're not victims of it. Problems need to be faced head-on, and dealt with. We're all allowed to have our moments, of course, but freaking out when things go wrong, or playing victim isn't going to solve anything and it will ultimately put a lot of strain on you. We're all going to lose jobs, parents, friends, and go through some messy things in life. Make sure that you have someone beside you who knows how to effectively deal with the ups and downs in life, so that they can be there for you when you need them.
Communication is something that is incredibly important in a relationship, and you don't want to end up with someone who turns their back on you or gives you the silent treatment when you have a disagreement. You're not always going to agree on everything and arguments are pretty much inevitable. There's no getting around these things when you're with someone every day for years on end. You may love each other, but you're also going to go through some ups and downs in your relationship, so make sure that you're with someone who is open and willing to communicate. Keeping open lines of communication in relationships is the key to making them last, so don't settle for someone who isn't willing to put in the work. If he's really in committed to your relationship, he'll be willing to communicate.
Remember that when you're looking for the right man, it's important to trust yourself, and your instincts. If something seems off, then it probably is. Don't be afraid to try, but don't waste your time hanging around in a situation that doesn't feel right to you, either. Your right guy is out there, so don't settle.
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