Why You're Afraid AF to Commit to a Serious Relationship


Fear of commitment is actually a fear of change. Many people experience this fear because it threatens their lifestyle which they're accustomed to. The rise of casual hookups is a result of this fear. Fear of commitment is a serious problem that is happening today, especially if you're a millennial. There are more possibilities for people today than there were in the past and they don't want to compromise their freedom for anything. People are selfish and want to put themselves first but when they're in a relationship, they need to think about the other person as well. That's the only way that a relationship can work and it forces them to change their lifestyle. This selfishness is part of what makes people afraid to commit to a serious relationship.

Like it or not, there is a stigma surrounding commitment which explains why people are so afraid of it. People are always complaining about their partner nagging them to do things around the house, forcing them to spend time with their parents. There are even tons of urban legends and horror stories about relationships gone wrong which makes people cautious. As well as the increasing positivity surrounding hookup culture with the younger generation is making people less likely to be in a long-term relationship or even go looking for one. Not everyone is comfortable with one-night-stands which explains the rise of casual dating or hookup culture especially among millennials.

A fear of commitment is a fear of things being different. People get used to doing things a certain way and when that is threatened they react badly. You've probably heard people say that dating is too much work and that being single is easier. This is a common belief because they view change in their lives as a bad thing. It's a life commitment with lots of responsibility and people are afraid of letting down their partners or being depended on. They prefer the freedom of being single. All these different fears and insecurities make you feel scared AF to be in a long-term committed relationship.

You're Afraid of Being Vulnerable

Being in a relationship with someone means exposing yourself to another person and showing them all sides of you, both the good and bad. This includes all your bad habits and the selfish side of you that people tend to hide. Selfishness is considered to be a negative thing and nobody wants to be seen as selfish. In relationships, looking out for yourself is a bad thing, but everyone's a little selfish sometimes. When you're single, you don't need to think about anyone but yourself. There are no obligations that you have to attend, you don't even need to leave your house if you don't want to. Nobody has to see you when you're not your best and that's a huge appeal for some people. Even when it comes to friends or family, it's a choice that you can make to include them in your life but a relationship comes with a series of obligations. You're obligated to think of the other person in the relationship, visit their family, see their friends and include them in every part of your life.


A fear of commitment is a fear of being vulnerable with another person. Most dating guides say that you should never hide things from your partner in a long-term relationship. You have no choice but to open up to your partner. This feeling of vulnerability and having to share your life with someone else, to let them really see you for who you are is a part of this fear of commitment. Having someone know you totally and completely can be terrifying. When you're just casual dating you can be whoever you want to be and you can hide your negative qualities because you're not spending that much time with them but you can't do that in a serious relationship. This means being completely honest with them and having no secrets is a very scary thing.

You Don't Want to Be Bored


A lot of requests for dating advice in long-term relationships are all about how you can spice it up, how to keep things exciting and this all stems from the fear of boredom. It's understood that once you date someone for a while you know everything about them and you get stuck in a routine. This routine is considered to be the death of a relationship. It's the fear that all the excitement of being with that person is going out of the relationship the longer that you are together. In some cases, this comes from affection for the other person. You're afraid of getting into a long-term relationship and becoming complacent because you don't to get bored of the other person because you care about them. Boredom leads to a relationship breakup and when you are with someone for too long, boredom seems inevitable.

There's also the fear that sex will turn out to be boring. This fear is centered on the idea that you'll have done everything that you can do with this person and your sex life will be boring and eventually non-existent. That's why there are a lot of articles online about what to do to spice up your sex life including trying new moves, introducing sexual fantasies and sexual play and even diving into the world of kink. There's nothing wrong with discovering new things in a relationship with a partner that you trust and respect. In fact, it's going to increase the experience and love that the two of you share. As long as you care about making the other person happy, you're going to keep the relationship from being boring.

Your Standards Are Too High

Everyone has their idea of the perfect partner. This list includes their appearance: someone tall, thin or short and curvy, or even personality, someone who is kind, or funny, or who likes to hang out naked on Sundays. This fantasy person is what prevents a lot of people from making a serious commitment. They don't date people who only check some of these boxes and they're always looking for the perfect person who checks all of them but it's an impossible standard for anyone to live up to. They spend forever looking for this fantasy person who fits all their criteria and becomes blind to people who could actually be good for them. You've set your standards too high and that's what prevents you from making a serious commitment.

This fantasy partner is a crutch that people use to make sure that they don't get into a relationship. It's a good excuse when people ask you why you're still single, but it's also partly based on a fear of being in a serious relationship. Even when you do date, someone, you always find something wrong with them and find excuses to end the relationship. You'll never make a serious commitment until you find someone that checks all your boxes, but when you actually do, you're still going to find something wrong with them. Choosing to let go of these standards is going to help you get over your fear of commitment.

You Have Serious FOMO

People who are afraid to commit to a serious relationship often regularly deal with FOMO. FOMO, or fear of missing out, is a problem that affects a lot of people today especially if you're dating. The fear of regret is not new but with the popularity of social media, people can get glimpses into other people's lives easier and this creates a lot of envy and jealousy. Social media lets us paint a certain picture of our lives where we all go on these amazing adventures, always look on point, wear the best clothing and generally are the perfect versions of ourselves. When people see these types of social media posts they feel unhappy with their own lives because they don't look like that or don't have that kind of life. Everything online looks perfect and people become unhappy when their own lives aren't. Nothing ever really lives up the fantasy and things get hyped up very quickly.

Fear of missing out when it comes to dating just means that you don't want to commit to anyone because someone better might come along. This goes back to the idea that everyone has the perfect person and when you're constantly looking for this person you miss the other people in your life who could be a better match for you. You don't want to be in a relationship just in case you meet someone who checks all your boxes or who fits your standards. People want to avoid breakups as much as possible and they don't want to be put into a situation where they might be tempted to cheat either. Their solution to that is just not to be in a relationship with anybody so that way you never have to worry about it. But this fantasy is unattainable for most people and it prevents a lot of people from committing to a relationship that could be really good for them.

You're Afraid of Change

Change is a part of life. Nothing stays the same. People grow from their life experiences and become different people. It's natural and expected but that doesn't stop society as a whole from being afraid of change. This is really the fear of being uncomfortable or not having a routine. Our life ends up a certain way and we want it to stay that way, even if it will get better through change, there's always the thought in the back of our minds that it might get worse. This fear is what prevents people from making major life decisions like marriage or children and stops people from moving on and growing up. No matter what happens, adding a long-term partner to your life is going to change your life and interrupt your comfortable routine.

When you're in a relationship, you can't do the things that you used to do when you were single. Say goodbye to drinking milk from a carton or eating mac and cheese from a pot. Your partner is not going to want to sit at home playing video games together for hours on end and they are going to expect to be included in your life. If you have a weekly date with your friends, your partner is going to want to be invited to that at least a few times. They're also going to expect you to be part of their lives and hang out with their friends and do the things that they like to do. Change is good though. It keeps life exciting and gives you brand new life experiences that you haven't been through before. Plus you have someone to share it with.

You Don't Want to Be Tied Down

Another reason that people are afraid to commit to a serious relationship is the freedom that comes with being single. Being single gives you the best of both worlds. You can go out, date, and have sex, hookup, and even stay home if you want to. You never have to worry about choosing between your friends and your partner. The freedom that comes with being single is a huge turn-on for most people and that's why a lot of them are afraid of getting into a relationship.

Being in a relationship means certain obligations and letting someone know where you are all the time. You can't just take off anymore. Now you have to let your partner know when you're leaving, why you're leaving and probably invite them to come along with you. People are afraid of clinginess in a relationship. They are afraid of being too clingy with their partner or of their partner being too clingy with them. Being clingy is always considered to be a bad thing and this feeling of being trapped or tied down is what makes people so afraid of commitment.

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