Why he can't get it up could be more complicated than you think! Sex is hard enough to talk about to begin with but when it comes to talking about your partner's performance, or lack thereof, it can get tricky. Are you worried that you might be the real reason he can't get it up? Well, we'll be taking about how this is likely not the case and what is actually going on below! We've all found ourselves in RELATIONSHIPS where we've wondered if we are the reason our man can't get it up. But is it true?
Well... it's a bit more complicated than just a simple "yes" or "no." There are many reasons why he might not be able to get it up and very few, if any at all, have to do with you! The reasons can vary from personal stresses to medical reasons to personal reasons to hygiene reasons, and that's just naming some of them. Just like there can be countless reasons to get it up, there are countless reasons that have the opposite effect. Like we said, sex can be tricky!
Ultimately, we want you to feel like it doesn't necessarily have to do with you and how "attractive" you are. First of all, sexual attraction is totally subjective and we could be here for hours going over all of the ways that someone can be attracted to someone else. And second, even if for whatever reason he is not feeling sexually attracted to you, that isn't automatically your fault! Hopefully by the time you get to the end of this article, you'll feel less alone and more comforted and will have an answer to that dreaded question!
There are no easy answers when it comes to sex and relationships. When two people are involved in anything, it can get messy. And when you add a little bit of nakedness and PLEASURE, expect the messiness to potentially increase! On top of this, we as a society aren't as open about sex as we should be. Often it is hard to have a frank discussion about sex and how we feel about it and how our partner makes us feel about it.
If your partner is having trouble getting it up, chances are you aren't talking about it. And that's okay. It's hard talking about sex! It's important to remember that your man is likely feeling similar things. He might be wanting to talk to you but he's afraid to also. And that's okay too! Being afraid to talk doesn't mean either of you care any less or want to fix the problem any less.
It's important to try to eventually get to a place where you can both talk frankly about sex and performance but until then, don't blame yourself. You shouldn't blame yourself without having an open discussion, after all. Too often women default to putting all of the performance blame on themselves and statistically it isn't actually the woman's fault at all. In fact, only 2 times out of 100 is it ever the partner's fault the guy can't get it up!
And before we continue, we'll say that if it seems like your lover is placing the blame on you, that is not okay! If he is making you feel bad, that is not okay! We hope that by reading this article you can both get to a good place again in your sexual relationship. To get back to humping, you have to first get to talking. Trust us: ignoring it rarely ever makes it better. In fact, it can often make it worse!
Sex, we probably don't have to remind you, involves two bodies getting pretty close! There's a lot of rubbing and touching and sweating and licking and tasting. That being said, a reason for why he can't get it up could come down to something simple: hygiene. Let's be real: if there is some sort of funky taste or smell happening, it might be a bit of a turn off. And if sex is the the first most embarrassing thing to talk about, hygiene is probably the second most embarrassing thing to talk about. We all want to pretend that we're PERFECT and our bodies are perfect but that just isn't the case! Our bodies are weird and we should celebrate that.
Perhaps there is something funky going on with him or yourself and he doesn't want to say. It could be anything from bad breath to a weird body odour to something a bit more serious like a rash or growth. And we're not just saying that he is reacting to something going on with your body. He could be trying to hide something going on with his body!
We've known partners avoiding each other when they're going through bad periods of gas or not wanting to get naked because of a weird rash. In fact, in a recent study 57% of men admitted to avoiding being intimate with their partners because of something hygiene related with their own bodies. And 23% of men admitted that it was something going on with their partner that they didn't want to bring up for fear of embarrassing them.
If it's something going on with you, don't feel embarrassed. Remember: bodies are WEIRD! And wouldn't you want to know about, say, bad breath, instead of your lover avoiding you forever? Of course!
If you suspect that perhaps hygiene is contributing why you and your man aren't getting it on, try to bring it up in a casual yet direct way. Avoid accusations or negative words or feelings. We guarantee that you'll both be laughing in no time and working on steps to get both of your hygienes back on track!
Oftentimes men in relationships are framed as being totally sex driven and void of feelings. This is not the case, of course! Men have just as many feelings as women. In fact, it can sometimes be harder for men to talk about what's going on in their brains because they aren't supposed to. So if you are thinking that if your lover isn't getting it up due to a physical attraction thing, you are almost definitely wrong! And this is an okay thing to be wrong about! Yes, < u>attraction plays a huge part in getting aroused. But physical attraction isn't the end all be all. Feelings and emotions are just as important and can often muddle things up.
When it comes to FEELINGS and EMOTIONS, there are a lot of hidden factors that could make it hard for him to get it up and distracting him from physical attraction and arousal. These factors could range from stress at work to being tired to being sad. When something big and heavy is going on in our lives, it can have a huge impact on us physically. And everybody reacts to negative things a little differently. Take being sad for example. Some people eat a lot when they are sad. Other people might not eat anything. Some want to be surrounded by loved ones. Some want to be completely alone.
Sex can be one of those things that gets left behind during periods of stress, depression, distraction, or sadness. It's important to understand and respect your partner's space. Maybe he hasn't noticed that he's not sexually active. It's important to remember that this isn't completely about you. Yes, you want to get some. Who doesn't! But if it's not on your man's mind because of other things, it's unfair to demand or expect sex. Besides, sex is the most fun when you both want it.
If it is something going on in his personal life, see if he'll open up. The sharing might help you both to feel more intimate and close! But mostly, it shows that you care about him and his feelings and want him to feel better. Wanting this for him is super sexy, after all!
Now, here's where things get even trickier. We've talked about simple fixes, like bad breath or weird smells. We've also talked about emotional hurdles, which can take some time to get over but are usually fixable. Now we're onto more serious matters: medical reasons. That's right: there could be an actual medical reason that your guy can't get it up.
Before you start thinking the worse and jumping to conclusions, try to have a chat with your lover. If you are thinking it might be medical, he could be thinking it too. This is always a devastating conversation to have, no matter what your gender is. Nobody ever wants to feel like they aren't performing well and that it might be something "wrong" with them.
We won't go into too much detail about the various medical conditions but the most common one is erectile dysfunction. If you and your man think this might be what is going on, it is best to consult a doctor. And the great news is, there are medications for these kinds of things and it can be fixed! And don't forget: emotional support during a time like this is just as important, if not more so, than medical support. If your partner knows you are on his team no matter what is going on with his body, he will feel so much better and safer.
We've really been driving the point home that you shouldn't feel like it's your fault that he can't get it up. Remember: statistically it isn't your fault at all! However, maybe you are feeling a little like you could be doing a little bit more to make him feel wanted and sexy. It could be worth exploring and at the very least, it could be fun for you both!
You could try spicing things up in the bedroom with new positions or introducing sex toys. Or, if you always stick to missionary position, why not try something different like doggy style or cow-girl! Planning a romantic (or kinky!) weekend getaway could also help to revitalize your man. And don't forget how arousing a body massage with scented oil can be.
Throughout this article we've pointed out things that are temporary and can easily be fixed to get your sexual relationship back on track and better than ever. However, we do need to discuss the possibility that this could be a sign your relationship is nearing the end. We hate to say it but maybe he's just not that into you any more. Chances are this is NOT the case but we always say trust your heart in a situation like this. If you feel like it's over, maybe it is. Him shifting away from you physically could be the start of him shining away all together.
And there's no great way to spin that because endings, even mutual ones, are always super sad. So here's hoping that the reason he can't get it up is something totally fixable and not at all permanent!
We always want easy answers when it comes to sex and arousal but sometimes that just isn't possible. And as much as we'd love to have had a simple answer to why he can't get it up, a simple answer in this situation absolutely does not exist. If you are currently in this situation, try to get real with your love and have a discussion about what could potentially be wrong. Whether it's a small hygiene issue or a stressful time at work or something entirely different, talking will help. Being open in your relationship will always help, trust us.
Ultimately we want you to feel empowered so if the question, "Are you the real reason he can't get it up?" ever comes up again, you'll feel confident that statistically you are not the real reason and that the real reason can be, in fact, quite complicated.